Why do we make things so hard?
You feel like you are a bright, organized, thoughtful individual, but then you're wondering, why can't I make myself do the things I need to do? Why can't I do basic things like eating better and getting exercise even when I know these things are good for me? That makes us critical of ourselves and judgmental, making us feel guilty for not having it together. So, for example, instead of reaching for an apple when you're exhausted after a stressful day, you go for the salty fried potato chips even though you know the apple is healthy and better for you.
We love to punish ourselves. As a result, we have habits designed to push us to work harder and faster, damaging our health. So to change this, we have first to understand how habits work. Habits are not one thing; they are three things. First, there is a trigger for an automatic behavior to start, then the routine, the behavior itself that we think of as the habit, and finally, a reward. A part of your brain, the basal ganglia, looks for rewards and tries to make any pattern into a habit. It takes triggers and routines and puts them together in a little chunk to get that reward.
When people put their walking clothes and shoes out the night before next to their bed, they're more likely to exercise when they see them first thing in the morning. But what makes that exercise a habit is if they reward themselves afterward. Maybe they take a long shower with some good-smelling soaps and shampoos or have a calendar that they mark off all the times they've exercised; by doing these things, they reward themselves. Repeating the behavior is more desirable if you reward yourself; over time, the behavior becomes a habit.
Lots of us wake up and have every good intention of getting up to exercise. But instead, we hit the snooze, and when we finally get up, we get out the door a few minutes late. First, we rush back to take a shower. Then, in haste, we sweat while drying our hair and leave for work feeling uncomfortable and without breakfast.
On our way to work, we start blaming ourselves because we've learned that eating breakfast is essential to a productive day. At the office, we get a cup of coffee, and someone has brought donuts, so we grab one. Before long, we start feeling guilty again. It's only 9:30 AM, and we begin considering exercise as punishment.
And our brain notices rewards and punishments. For example, if it seems the days you walk in the morning become a nightmare, your brain says, this is a terrible idea. It doesn't want to make exercise a habit. So we make it harder to form patterns when we blame or punish ourselves or feel guilty about our actions. Our brain pays attention to that negativity, so instead, find the reward, indulge, and enjoy.
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